im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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