Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
