someone get that fucking seahorse.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
