hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
