dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
