She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
