Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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