Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
