hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
