You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
