my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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