I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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