we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
