Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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