i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I use my feet as sexual weapons
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
