i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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