3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
