she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
