oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
