I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
