So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
