im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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