I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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