I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
