Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
