You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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