oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
