i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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