Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
