I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
