new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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