I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
