Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize