oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
