I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
