omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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