discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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