I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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