he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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