whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
