Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
