Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
