He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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