I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize