We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
