You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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