He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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