Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize