Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
