you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize