When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
