why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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