Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
