is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I need a burrito and a hug.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
