I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
