got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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