I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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