I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
