I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
