I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize