Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
