we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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