Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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